In the early 2000s, American writers Ellen Fein and Sherry Schneider compiled advice on how a woman can get the man of her dreams in their best-selling book. Since then, the feminist movement has been revived and strengthened, and such literature has been labeled as “sexist.” However, “New Rules” is still being reprinted and has many fans and followers. What’s the secret?

Those who have ever fallen in love know very well how difficult it is to explain why we like a particular person. And yet, psychologists constantly conduct research trying to understand the nature of this feeling.

In the process of studying falling in love from a psychological point of view, experts have discovered several interesting facts. Some common myths about what attracts us to other people have been debunked, while others, on the contrary, have turned out to be the pure truth. We tell you about the most interesting reasons why men fall in love with women.

You seem hard to reach.

In 2014, an experiment was conducted that confirmed the widespread belief that men are attracted to “hard to get” women. In a series of speed dates, representatives of the stronger sex showed much more interest in those who demonstrated absolute indifference when answering their questions. However, these findings are not universal and have their own caveats.

In particular, men want to feel connected to a woman – in the context of the experiment, this meant that they chose such a woman as their partner and this choice was not imposed by someone else.

However, the researchers made another unexpected conclusion: even though the most attractive to men were distant and cold women, it was precisely these women that were liked by the representatives of the stronger sex the least. Love is truly a very confusing and strange thing.

You have the “right” facial expression

When a woman radiates happiness and smiles, men like it. But in the opposite case, this scheme does not work.

In 2011, scientists decided to conduct a large-scale study, in which more than a thousand people took part. All subjects were shown photographs of members of the opposite sex and asked to rate the attractiveness of these people. As a result, men gave the highest ratings to those women who looked happy, and the lowest to those who seemed arrogant. Women’s opinions regarding the attractiveness of their partners turned out to be completely opposite: proud men won their hearts, but happy ones did not impress them at all.

You gesture a lot.

Fill the physical space around you: Use vivid gestures and expressive body posture. Researchers observed how people behaved on speed dates and found that those who actively gestured were twice as successful as those who sat stiffly.

Looking for your love? It’s simple – be open and don’t hold yourself back.

Fill the physical space around you: Use vivid gestures and expressive body posture. Researchers observed how people behaved on speed dates and found that those who actively gestured were twice as successful as those who sat stiffly.

This was confirmed by another experiment. The same people were photographed twice: in the first frame, each took a tense pose, and in the second, they were asked to relax and be as open much as possible. These photos were then uploaded to a speed dating app. Interestingly, the overall perception of a person, even from a photo, changed depending on their pose. Photos in which people were in confident and open poses received more responses than those in which they were tense.

You look like his ex.

Some people believe that each of us has our own “type” of partner. Women are the ones who tend to rely on this theory. But there are some nuances here, too.

For example, according to the results of the same 2011 study we discussed above, women and men agreed that they found faces of the opposite sex that resembled their previous partners more attractive than others. However, men gave lower ratings to women who were similar to the partners they were in relationships with at the time of their participation in the study.

You respond to his “requests for attention,” and he responds to yours

The beginning and development of a relationship greatly depend on the partners’ reactions to each other and to “requests for attention.” This point of view is shared by psychologist John Gottman, who has been studying relationships between people in couples for 40 years. Imagine a situation: a wife who is fond of ornithology notices a beautiful bird with colorful plumage outside the window. She admires this little miracle, trying to see the color better and guess the breed. She invites her husband, who is next to her, to look at this bird. How will he react to this? There are many options. A man can ignore his wife’s words or nod indifferently to her in response, without looking up from watching the morning news on TV. Or, for example, he can pay attention to the object that his woman liked so much, sharing her enthusiasm. It is not difficult to guess what kind of partner’s reaction in such a situation will bring the couple closer together, and what will distance the spouses from each other.

Emily Esfahani Smith, an author of psychology books, is convinced that the influence of these (even small) reactions on relationships is truly enormous. In her conclusions, she relies on the results of John Gottman’s research. He observed couples for several years and analyzed the effect such reactions had on relationships. In those couples that divorced 6 years after marriage, partners responded to “requests for attention” in only 33% of cases. And in couples that continued to live together, this figure was 87%.

You look very much like him.

Decades of research have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that the ingrained “opposites attract” stereotype is complete nonsense. “Partners who are similar in many ways, such as personality type, are more likely to get along. This makes it easier to understand each other in their lives together,” says Gian Gonzaga, author of a study of couples who met on eHarmony.

You look into his eyes for a long time.

Joan Kellerman, a psychologist at the University of Massachusetts, had 72 undergrads who didn’t know each other pair off and stare into each other’s eyes for two minutes. “They later said that during that time they felt more attracted to the person across from them,” he says. “This suggests that prolonged eye contact can bond you with someone and spark feelings for someone you’re meeting for the first time.”

You have the “right” smell

A study by the University of Southern California found that women who are ovulating are attracted to the smell of T-shirts worn by men with high testosterone levels. This is fully explained by the instincts of procreation: such a smell attracts us because if representatives of the stronger sex produce a large amount of male hormone, this indicates good genetics.

Men also care about how their partner smells, but they prefer those scents that harmonize with the woman. The ideal is the smell of the body after a shower, and perfume should only gently complement this pleasant, clean, and natural aroma.

In some ways, you are similar to his parents.

University of St Andrews psychologist David Perrett and his colleagues have found that we are attracted to partners who have the same eye and hair colour as our parents. The age range of people we like also often has its roots in our childhood. As adults, we fall in love with people of the same age as the people around us were when we were children.

“We found that women whose parents were over 30 at the time of their birth were much less attracted to younger men than older men,” the study’s authors concluded. “Men’s preferences in the women’s age range were based on the age of their mother, but not their father – and this only mattered in long-term, serious relationships.”

You look the same or slightly less attractive than he does.

In a 1996 experiment, participants were rated on their physical attractiveness and then randomly assigned to a date. Participants were then asked how satisfied they were with how their dates had gone. People who rated themselves highly on attractiveness were harsher and more critical in their judgments (even if their date had rated them the same). The better looking their date, the less satisfied they were with how things had gone.

But this only applied to really attractive people. For most of us, it is more important that we and our partner are equally beautiful.

A woman is a mystery that men have been trying to solve for centuries. It is no secret that every man wants to find the perfect woman who will be the embodiment of his dreams. But how to determine what exactly makes a woman attractive to men?

Let’s look at 20 signs of a woman you want to pursue with sexologist and psychologist Irina Barbat.

1. Smile

A woman who smiles attracts everyone’s attention. A smile creates an impression of openness. A smiling person carries a positive emotion. And a positive emotion attracts like a magnet. You want to be near such a person and get charged with good energy.

2. Self-sufficiency

It’s not about the material component. A woman who is self-confident, has her own point of view, and does not need unreasonable compromises, arouses interest. You want to communicate with her, get to know her, and discover new facets of her personality. Such a woman is an unread book. And you want to read and reread an interesting book. A man sees in such a woman an equal partner with whom he can maintain a conversation on any topic. And you want to pursue such a woman.

3. Independence

Who is an independent woman? First of all, this is a person with interests and hobbies. This is a woman who has a hobby. She has a social circle with whom she is interested in communicating. Men are attracted by the fact that such a woman will not look him in the mouth, she will not need to spend all her free time next to a man. Such a woman has her own world in which she realizes herself. A man understands that she will not depend on him, making him want to be next to such a woman.

4. Generosity

It is important for men that a woman pays attention and time. And the one who generously shares care with a man will captivate a man. It will make him want to be near, care in return, and give attention.

5. Kindness

Remember the proverb: “A kind word pleases even a cat”? Everyone in this world needs kindness. And men are no exception. If a woman is kind, she knows how to understand other people. And men need to be understood and treated with kindness.

6. Sexuality

Of course, you can’t do without this quality. A woman naturally carries sexual energy. It is this energy that nourishes men, makes them move forward, reach new heights, and develop. Female sexuality attracts, beckons. And the one who knows how to emphasize her advantages, show herself from a mysterious and languid side, will arouse genuine interest in men. And all this does not come down to just sex or attractive appearance. It is deeper ( read also: “Female energy: how to attract the ideal man?” ).

7. Intelligence

Men are attracted to intelligent women. Although there is an opinion that representatives of the male sex are afraid of intelligent and strong women. But this is only a stereotype. An intellectual woman commands respect. Men are interested in seeing not only a beautiful shell, but also in understanding that inside there is a versatile person with whom you can talk, discuss some important things. It is important for men that their woman is valued in society, that she is seen as an individual.

8. Purposefulness

A woman who has a goal in life attracts men. She radiates charisma. A woman who knows how to achieve her goals reminds a man of himself. This is what attracts, because a healthy spirit of rivalry arises. A man does not want to lag behind his lady, and this contributes to the mutual growth of the partners.

9. Sense of humor

Humor is a positive emotion. And who among us does not like a warm and light emotion? A woman who can laugh at herself and make others laugh will always attract men. This quality is special. After all, the one who can easily turn something serious into a joke has a unique ability to make other people smile.

10. Discipline

Women are emotional creatures. And often in a rush of emotions, they forget about what is happening around them. The lady who knows how to discipline herself and watch her actions commands respect from men.

11. Relaxation

A woman who knows how to be relaxed and open will always arouse interest and desire to communicate with her. Relaxation speaks of adequate self-esteem. A man sees that a woman loves herself, evaluates herself properly, and has no complexes or barriers. Such a woman captivates.

12. Politeness

This is a sign of a good upbringing. Men will not ignore the one who will carry herself with dignity in life, will not stoop to rudeness. Disrespectful phrases spoken by beautiful lips cause rejection in men. This is an indicator of masculinity, and men want to see a woman as a woman ( read also: “Test: even the most well-mannered people do not know these rules of etiquette – check yourself” ).

13. Optimism

A very important feminine quality. Optimism is partly motivation. And a man needs to be motivated on the way to achieving goals and objectives. A woman who can see the positive around her charges others with it. This is a woman who does not give up, even in a difficult situation. And this is very attractive.

14. Well-groomed

And here we are not even talking about beauty templates. After all, every man has his standard of beauty. Some like plump blondes, while others like slender brunettes. But any man will be attracted to a well-groomed woman. A woman who takes care of her appearance, knows how to emphasize her advantages, and shows that she respects herself and treats herself with tenderness and care. And this means that she values ​​herself. And men want to value a woman who values ​​herself even more.

15. Spontaneity

A woman who knows how to surprise unexpectedly and pleasantly will always arouse interest and desire to communicate with men. Novelty is what men need. When everything is clear and planned for the years ahead, it causes melancholy, sadness, and boredom. You can quickly get tired of this.

16. Emotional stability

Men are less emotional by nature than women. They often fail to understand the nature of various kinds of female emotions. And because men do not understand the mechanism of the birth of these emotions, they cannot understand the behavior of their partner. Uncontrolled manifestation of a wide range of emotions causes a feeling of being on a volcano, you can never be sure that at this moment the volcano will not explode and cover everything around with lava. A woman who knows how to control her emotions and not lose heart will command respect from men. However, this rule does not apply to all men – some are attracted to violent emotions.

17. Responsiveness

Men rarely resort to women’s help. A woman who knows how to listen and help with advice will inspire confidence that she will be able to understand and help a man when he needs support. This quality is valued by men. They want to feel that they have a strong rear ( read also: “11 Strange Reasons Why a Man Falls in Love with a Woman” ).

18. Ambition

A woman who has ambitions and strives for success will push a man to success. These are interconnected things. A man who feels that a lady wants more, dreams, will try to match. And this is growth, development, and common interests.

19. Security

A man’s home is a place where he can be himself. He can relax and not fight with the world. And for this, the safety of the space where he comes after a hard day at work is important. A woman who knows how to create a safe space and protect loved ones will attract men.

20. Love of life

This is a quality that attracts not only men. A woman who loves life knows how to appreciate every day, every minute. Such a woman will fill life with joy and happiness. And those who are near her will also enjoy life.

Of course, these signs are not all that can make a woman attractive to men. But they can serve as a guide for women who want to find their other half. Be confident, love life, and don’t forget to smile – this is one of the easiest and most effective ways to evoke positive emotions in men.

How to attract love, sex, and husbands into your life? Svetlana Kolchik and psychologist Larisa Renar offer ways to get all of this and happiness to boot.