Let’s figure out what non-obvious markers indicate that you don’t need to create a romantic union.
Social stereotypes still push us to strive to create a strong couple, even if we are not interested in it at all. At the same time, the modern world offers us a huge number of possible development scenarios, many of which do not imply serious relationships, but are filled with other, no less significant processes. How to understand that you are not made for a relationship? Psychologist Olga Romaniv will help you find the answer to this question.
You are simply comfortable being alone
Is it worth asking unnecessary questions if you feel comfortable? Sometimes we just feel good being alone. If you know yourself and understand that you are not ready or do not want to be in a relationship at the moment, then why be in one? Yes, you may like the person, but if you do not feel that a relationship is possible at the moment, then you are not obliged to enter into one. You are not alone if you prefer to be alone. Today, a record number of people share this preference with you. Respect your desires, no matter how different from the generally accepted they may seem.
You tend to focus entirely on other aspects of life.
If you don’t have time for a relationship, what’s the point? Whether it’s your career or your studies that take up all your thoughts and free time, whatever the reason, you may not feel the need or you may not have the energy to focus on a relationship. Sometimes we ignore these needs and have an affair anyway. But if other aspects of life constantly take precedence over your loved one, the relationship won’t last.
You have a fear of commitment…
This fear exists in all of us. However, only a few of us talk about it openly. Commitment issues are difficult to overcome and can destroy both the relationship itself and the psychological health of one of the parties. It is normal to be your number one priority. If you want the freedom to do what you need, then that is exactly how it should be. In relationships, we often lose a part of ourselves, and our priorities inevitably change. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but you may not be ready for such a step yet.
…Or trauma from a past relationship
It’s not uncommon for people to carry emotional scars from past relationships. Abuse (in any form), infidelity, or toxicity can cause psychological barriers that can take years to heal ( read also: 5 Steps to Recovering Your Life After an Abusive Relationship ). In most cases, if a person hasn’t taken the time to work on themselves and heal, it can lead to them continuing to make the same mistakes or get into toxic relationships.
You are not into monogamy
When you are committed to someone, you should not flirt with others. If you are constantly looking for someone new and cheating on your partner, the relationship loses its meaning (unless, of course, you have agreed on an open relationship). It is better to be single and have the opportunity to communicate with anyone in any way than to cheat and then feel guilty. As long as you are honest with yourself and others about what you want, no one can blame you. Whether you want to be in a serious relationship with obligations or limit yourself to fleeting dates, open relationships, and other forms of love affairs depends only on you
You want to work on yourself
Sometimes people just need to work on themselves before starting a new chapter in their lives. Whatever the reason, if a person admits that they are not healthy or mature enough for a serious relationship, this is very commendable. It is difficult to admit at the beginning, but such strength is the first step to becoming the best version of yourself, and then trying to find stability and happiness with another person.
Phrases that open up space for trusting and adult dialogue – do they sound in your relationships?
“I understand how you feel,” and “Let’s think together about how to solve this.”
Many arguments start not because of global disagreements, but because we were simply not heard. Or we ourselves were not heard. An emotionally mature person does not try to immediately prove that he is right – he first tries to understand what the other feels. The phrases “I understand your feelings” or “I understand your point of view” do not mean blind agreement, but they contain the main thing – respect for the inner world of the partner.
This is not about manipulation with politeness. This is about genuine interest: why is it so important for you to say this now, and why do you feel this way? When such a space appears in a relationship, where you are not interrupted, not devalued, not rushed to change your mind, the tension begins to dissipate on its own.
And when it’s followed by: “Let’s think together how to solve this,” – everything changes. Not in the sense that you immediately find a magic formula. But in the sense that you say, I’m on the same team with you. It’s no longer “me against you”, but “we are together against the problem”. And for a relationship, this can be a turning point.
Sometimes it is these simple phrases that become the basis for trust. Because behind them lies a choice: not to defend or attack, but to truly be there.
“Let’s not argue and stick to our opinions.”
Sometimes the best way to maintain intimacy is not to look for a winner. Emotionally mature people are not afraid of the phrase, “Let’s agree that we have different opinions.” It doesn’t sound like capitulation — on the contrary, it’s a subtle but very powerful signal: you are more important to me than the argument.
When you say this, you are not putting a period in a conversation – you are putting a comma in a relationship. It is a way of saying, “I don’t agree, but I accept you.” Acknowledging another person’s right to their point of view is not just respect, it is maturity in its purest form. And what is especially valuable is that such words do not attempt to correct or remake the other person to suit yourself. Only the understanding that intimacy is not about identical thoughts, but about respect for differences.
“How can I help you?”
Amid a tense conversation, this phrase sounds almost like an anti-crisis button. Unexpected, soft, genuinely caring. When you ask, “How can I help you?” you shift the focus from the conflict to your partner.
You show: I care not only about arguments, but also about your feelings right now. This phrase is not about solving a problem, but about support. About letting the other person feel that he is not alone, even if there is tension between you now.
Sometimes this “what” will be very simple: listen, hug, give time. But the essence is not in the action, but in the gesture. In the fact that you ask, and do not guess. This is adult, mature care, not the habitual one, but the attentive one.
“Let’s learn a lesson from this.”
Any quarrel or crisis moment is not just a flash of emotion. It is a tiny mirror that shows much more than it seems at first glance: our pains, grievances, vulnerabilities. But there is good news – in each such moment, there is a hidden chance. An opportunity to see what did not work and understand how it can be done differently.
The phrase “Let’s learn from this” is like a suggestion not to get stuck in the unpleasant, but to emerge from it with something valuable. It shows that you are not clinging to the negative, but are looking for meaning even in it, for the sake of the relationship. Instead of the usual “who is to blame?”, there appears “what does this say about us?”
In relationships, this sounds like an adult position: we don’t hide under the carpet, we don’t blame – we sort things out. So that next time it will be better. So that we become closer, not distant.
“It’s really important to me.”
Maturity is not only about understanding others, but also about the ability to set your boundaries. Calmly, without shouting and reproaches. Just say: “This is important to me.” Without manipulation, without pitfalls ( read also: “20 signs of a woman you want to pursue”).
This phrase sounds like a confession of vulnerability: you don’t demand, you share what matters to you. It can be anything – a principle, a feeling, a habit. But behind these words, there is always openness. And respect for yourself and for your partner.
It is interesting that it is precisely these moments that bring people closer together than hundreds of “I don’t care.” Because they are honest. And honesty, spoken without pressure, always inspires trust.
