In the early 2000s, American writers Ellen Fein and Sherry Schneider compiled advice on how a woman can get the man of her dreams in their best-selling book. Since then, the feminist movement has been revived and strengthened, and such literature has been labeled as “sexist.” However, “New Rules” is still being reprinted and has many fans and followers. What’s the secret?
For many years, gurus Ellen Fein and Sherry Schneider have been analyzing the behavior of women who are happy in their personal lives — those who had many admirers, who got married successfully, and were happy in their marriage. Oprah Winfrey called their bestseller “The Rules for Winning the Heart of the Man of Your Dreams” a phenomenon and invited the authors to her talk show twice. People magazine included the book in the must-read category, and glossy magazines called it the best publication about relationships. The authors assure that over the 20 years of the “Rules” existence, millions of women have been able to feel their absolute effectiveness. They received relationships full of love and respect, which flowed into a happy and strong marriage. In “New Rules,” the writers help modern women and girls communicate via social networks, instant messengers, etc. and at the same time remain mysterious, maintain a man’s instinct of a hunter when there is so much “easy prey” around him, get married in an era when everyone lives in civil marriages and is in no hurry to take responsibility.
“Men love challenges and lose interest when the object of their interest – and especially a woman – comes too easily to them.”
Ellen Fein and Sherry Schneider, from The Rules for Winning the Heart of the Man of Your Dreams
“The secret way to get a guy: Be a challenge. Treat him like you don’t care about him,” say Ellen Fein and Sherry Schneider. They say it’s all about creating an air of mystery and making a guy want to meet you, which is rare these days. “The Rules” are a way to talk to any guy (assuming he’s the one who started the conversation, in person or online) that makes him obsessed with you and ready for a serious relationship.”
How to Marry the Man of Your Dreams, According to Ellen Fein and Sherry Schneider
- Be a girl unlike any other and look like a girl unlike any other.
- Don’t approach a man first and don’t start a conversation, don’t call or text a man first.
- Don’t ask men out on a date via SMS, social media, or any other means.
- Wait at least 4 hours before responding to a man’s first message, and at least half an hour before responding to each subsequent message.
- “Let’s talk/text later”: always finish everything first, and disappear!
- Do not respond to SMS or any other messages after midnight.
- Don’t accept a Saturday date later than Wednesday. “Proper girls” lead busy lives. Surely you’ve already made your weekend plans before Thursday rolls around! If he asks you out too late, don’t scold him. Just say you’re sorry, but you’re busy.
- Stay away from his social media profiles.
- Make yourself “invisible” to instant messaging. Even if nothing is going on in your life, don’t let the guy know by immediately replying to his messages. Like any other form of communication, he should wait for the opportunity to talk to you. He’ll have to work hard to be interesting to you. Don’t deprive him of this opportunity by immediately replying to messages and sitting online for hours! Remember, you have your own life (school, work, friends, hobbies, workouts, and hopefully dates) and only have 10 minutes to chat. If a guy has a lot to tell you and a lot to ask, he can do it during a date!
- Don’t spend time with him 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
- Long-distance relationship: let him offer to communicate and visit you more often.
- Don’t text men first, ignore emoticons and winks on online dating sites.
- Don’t pay for dinner or buy his love in any way.
- Don’t be self-destructive by dating married men. If he wants to see you, tell him to call you when he’s single. After that, no communication, forget him, say “next!” and focus on finding truly single men.
- Don’t date a man who cancels your dates more than once.
- Don’t send a man anything that you wouldn’t be happy to leave behind if you broke up.
- Don’t settle for one-night stands and meaningless relationships.
- Don’t rush into sleeping with a man. The “right girl” makes a guy wait to help him fall in love with her, her soul, her essence – and not just her body. The longer you delay sex, the longer he will be able to court you, plan romantic dates, and dream about you. Men love difficulties and do not appreciate anything too easy for them, especially when it comes to sex!
- Don’t date a man without commitment! If your relationship has lasted more than a year and it is “correct” (you allowed the man to “chase you”, met him no more than 2-3 times a week, refused to spend holidays with him, did not move in with him), then you helped him fall in love with you and want to marry you. A man wants to see you more and more. But if after a year of dating, a man has not asked you to marry him, you should tell him that you are a girl of old-fashioned upbringing and are not going to date anyone forever. If he starts making excuses, suggest taking a break from the relationship. Ask him to think it over alone and call when he is ready for commitment.
- Stop dating a man if he doesn’t give you a romantic gift for your birthday or Valentine’s Day, or forgets about these dates altogether.
Although many of the statements from 20 years ago now seem very questionable to us, it should still be acknowledged that this guide has a number of useful points regarding self-esteem, toxic relationships, and relationships with married men. At the very least, these rules will be useful for those who still have problems with self-esteem (as well as for naive girls who are inexperienced in matters of love).
