The past is often the source of our doubts, worries, and claims to ourselves, preventing us from developing in the present. French psychologists say that in order to live a full life, you need, firstly, to let go of your past, and secondly, to forgive yourself.
Forgiveness is a process. Forgiving yourself for your past will take more than a day, and sometimes even months. However, it doesn’t matter how long it takes you to start over – the main thing is that you really want it. We offer a few simple steps that will help you leave the past in the past and, with a light heart, embark on a new and exciting journey called a full life.
Mistakes are also an experience
The reason why most of us feel guilty or ashamed for actions taken in the past is very simple: the decisions made in the past no longer correspond to our moral convictions in the present. We have changed, and now we evaluate what we did and said in the past from the position of ourselves today. The fact that we have grown and changed is already a reason for pride. This means that, in fact, the mistakes made in the past became the “key” to our development – it was they and the feeling of shame for them that determined our morality today. We have learned from our own bitter experience that it is wrong to act the way we did, and therefore, we will not repeat the unfortunate blunders in the future.
The past is in the past
At first glance, this statement seems obvious and therefore banal, but when it comes to real life, we forget about it and live the same scenario over and over again. We try to do the impossible, namely, to change the past, which cannot be “restored” for one simple reason – the past no longer exists. The only way out is to accept the past as it is. Acceptance is the only way to recovery.
Make a list of things you would like to “redo.”
We never attach importance to this “list”. And yet, it is quite an effective psychological move. Imagine that you have the opportunity to go back a few hours into the past and act differently than you did the first time. Think about what you would do now, what you would say to someone you once offended, or maybe you would remain silent altogether, take a different path, choose a different profession, and so on – you never know what we regret years later. Surprisingly, it is this kind of “debriefing” that will help us get rid of internal stress accumulated over the years, let off steam, and relax. Allow yourself to “rewind the tape”, analyze your mistakes: a meticulous analysis is a guarantee that in the future you will be able to avoid unpleasant situations.
Act by your moral values from now on.
The best thing you can do to say goodbye to your past and stop feeling guilty is to start replacing your negative thoughts with positive and harmonious ones without wasting a minute. Thanks to this, sooner or later, you will realize that you can manage almost any situation the way you want. In addition, this will help you enjoy the decisions you make, and seeing a positive result, be proud of yourself. Not so bad for raising your self-esteem, you must admit.
Identify the reasons for your reflection
Returning to the past that weighs you down once again is certainly a difficult and unpleasant task. However, you will still have to overcome yourself, because only by facing your fears can you overcome them once and for all. Identify those moments that are the most unpleasant and oppressive for you, and look at them from the outside. Imagine that the situation that once caused you a lot of pain is just an abstract story, and not your one. Put aside emotions, work with the “model” of the situation, and not the situation.
Accept the obvious
Some memories that make us uncomfortable are not so easy to deal with the first time. This will require separate and rather long-term work. Psychologists call it “general cleaning of the mind.” This means that it is time to talk openly with yourself about your experiences, not to be afraid of the past, but to try to cope with it. Yes, you made a mistake, because you are not a machine, but a living person. You have the right to make mistakes, you bear moral responsibility for them, but this does not mean that you should devote the rest of your life to self-flagellation.
Turn the page
As mentioned above, the past is in the past; realize that it is not possible to completely fix the situation in the present. You did everything in your power to make it better, that’s all. The present is the best reason to turn the page and start all over again. Life goes on. Your past, no matter how terrible it was, helped you become who you are today. Learning to be grateful to life for the lesson it taught you is an important step towards forgiving yourself.
Give yourself some time to breathe
Before you master a skill, like riding a bike, you need several attempts. Only a child prodigy can master a skill on the first try, and not always. The same applies to your system of thoughts: you need time to get the hang of it, and you need several attempts to start getting the hang of it. Be realistic – don’t rush, give yourself time to learn something new. And one more thing: on a new path, you will also make many mistakes. We all make them.
Love yourself again
The last step on the path to a new life “without a past” is to love yourself again. Try to become your own best friend, respect yourself, trust your intuition, and most importantly, stop thinking that you are the source of all problems. There are things that, alas, do not depend on us. Look for books on this topic, surround yourself with people you feel comfortable with, and remember: you are stronger than your past mistakes. Believe in yourself, you deserve it.