In our youth, many of us tend to live in illusions, but as we grow older, we accumulate experience and learn sometimes harsh but important life lessons. Let’s figure out what delusions and empty hopes we need to get rid of by maturity.
It is believed that the period of youth ends at 39 years old – after that, according to popular belief, maturity begins. By this age, many people leave behind unnecessary worries and fears, learn to build personal boundaries and say “no”, begin to be more tolerant of the injustice of the world, and look at life in general more simply.
However, not every person’s period of maturity corresponds to psychological maturation – many people during this period, on the contrary, refuse to accept the fact of change and fill their lives with illusions, chasing after their fading youth, which most often leads a person to stagnation and disappointment. Together with psychologist Anna Sukhova, we figure out what illusions should be gotten rid of to meet a new stage of your life with dignity.
“One day, someone will come into my life who will solve all my problems.”
This is a standard illusion that often appears in people after 35. It is caused by accumulated fatigue, emotional exhaustion, unwillingness to take responsibility for oneself, and enter a new period of life. It is important to understand that in reality, there are no wizards who will one day descend from heaven and solve all your problems for free – such deals are possible only on mutually beneficial terms, which are unlikely to suit an adult and independent person.
If you are faced with such problems, try to look at life from a different angle – try to perceive responsibility for yourself not as a burden or a burden, but as an important element of personal freedom.
“It’s too late to change anything.”
This illusion often occurs in adulthood – over the years of life, a person accumulates negative life experiences (be it relationships with the opposite sex, lack of career achievements or unjustified hopes), which prevents one from moving forward and setting new goals. In this case, of course, internal work with failures is necessary – remember that your aspirations are effective when you act purposefully and you have enough patience so that your efforts are not in vain.
“Life ends at forty.”
Disappointed expectations, disappointment, and assessment of your emotional state from the position of youthful maximalism will, of course, paint sad pictures in your mind. If you want to change the given, you should change the perspective of perception of reality – at forty years old, you understand exactly what you want, and you have enough resources to realize it yourself.
The main point is that people do not always correctly assess their internal motives. If you want money, imagine what you would do if you had it. Travel? Relax? Not do boring and uninteresting work? Then, probably, the true motives are not financial insolvency, but the desire to change the field of activity or take a break from the usual everyday life.
“A lot depends on the opinions of others.”
Dependence on the opinions of others is a destructive attitude that interferes with the entire life process. Most people are only concerned with their thoughts and feelings, and they don’t care about you, but the thought of what others will think or say scares even adults and accomplished individuals.
Of course, gathering information or asking for advice can help in a given situation, but you shouldn’t take the recommendations and opinions of others as 100% truth. The main task of any mature person is to learn to hear and listen to yourself, and this can be done by learning not to criticize yourself or reproach yourself for the mistakes you’ve made.
“I can control those around me.”
This is an illusion of egocentrics who strive to take over the whole world and are ready to do anything for this. They are interested in fame, money, power, and the desire to control and manipulate other people, while it is their desire to control everything that leads such individuals to disappointment and subsequent psychological problems.
It is important to understand that for every force there is another, no less, and personal well-being and happiness cannot grow on the soil of egocentric fantasies about total control. These are signs of infantilism and narrow-mindedness ( read also: 7 signs of a narrow-minded person ).
“I am lonely.”
This illusion is inherent in many people who, for some reason, are not in a relationship or do not have a family. The social significance of being in a couple influences the formation of a feeling of loneliness – even someone who has consciously refused to build a relationship can periodically feel lonely. At the same time, as a rule, people quickly get used to a comfortable coexistence with themselves, but under the influence of the moment they can let another person into their life (and their everyday life), expecting that he will not change their usual existence in any way, which is certainly impossible.
So if you really feel lonely, try to open up to the world and loosen the boundaries of your comfort zone, and if you are happy with everything, don’t pay attention to the generally accepted rules – just enjoy the freedom and lack of obligations.
“I am disappointed in my life.”
This illusion, like many others, is tied to negative experiences. Failed romances, mistakes at work, betrayal of loved ones – all this leaves an imprint, as a result of which we begin to think that our life is a failure. However, it is worth remembering that we live in a world with many people (both good and bad), and one event follows another – we interact with the reality around us, making choices every day, and what we get in the end does not make the world hostile.
Look at the situation more broadly – compare yourself not with others, but with yourself a year ago, look for what you should develop in yourself, what to pay attention to, and do not lose hope. An active position, motivation, and desire are exactly what make a person alive, helping to look at life from a different angle and find the strength to survive temporary difficulties.
