Those who have ever fallen in love know very well how difficult it is to explain why we like a particular person. And yet, psychologists constantly conduct research trying to understand the nature of this feeling.
In the process of studying falling in love from a psychological point of view, experts have discovered several interesting facts. Some common myths about what attracts us to other people have been debunked, while others, on the contrary, have turned out to be the pure truth. We tell you about the most interesting reasons why men fall in love with women.
You seem hard to reach.
In 2014, an experiment was conducted that confirmed the widespread belief that men are attracted to “hard to get” women. In a series of speed dates, representatives of the stronger sex showed much more interest in those who demonstrated absolute indifference when answering their questions. However, these findings are not universal and have their own caveats.
In particular, men want to feel connected to a woman – in the context of the experiment, this meant that they chose such a woman as their partner and this choice was not imposed by someone else.
However, the researchers made another unexpected conclusion: even though the most attractive to men were distant and cold women, it was precisely these women that were liked by the representatives of the stronger sex the least. Love is truly a very confusing and strange thing.
You have the “right” facial expression
When a woman radiates happiness and smiles, men like it. But in the opposite case, this scheme does not work.
In 2011, scientists decided to conduct a large-scale study, in which more than a thousand people took part. All subjects were shown photographs of members of the opposite sex and asked to rate the attractiveness of these people. As a result, men gave the highest ratings to those women who looked happy, and the lowest to those who seemed arrogant. Women’s opinions regarding the attractiveness of their partners turned out to be completely opposite: proud men won their hearts, but happy ones did not impress them at all.
You gesture a lot.
Fill the physical space around you: Use vivid gestures and expressive body posture. Researchers observed how people behaved on speed dates and found that those who actively gestured were twice as successful as those who sat stiffly.
Looking for your love? It’s simple – be open and don’t hold yourself back.
This was confirmed by another experiment. The same people were photographed twice: in the first frame, each took a tense pose, and in the second, they were asked to relax and be as open much as possible. These photos were then uploaded to a speed dating app. Interestingly, the overall perception of a person, even from a photo, changed depending on their pose. Photos in which people were in confident and open poses received more responses than those in which they were tense.
You look like his ex.
Some people believe that each of us has our own “type” of partner. Women are the ones who tend to rely on this theory. But there are some nuances here, too.
For example, according to the results of the same 2011 study we discussed above, women and men agreed that they found faces of the opposite sex that resembled their previous partners more attractive than others. However, men gave lower ratings to women who were similar to the partners they were in relationships with at the time of their participation in the study.
You respond to his “requests for attention,” and he responds to yours
The beginning and development of a relationship greatly depend on the partners’ reactions to each other and to “requests for attention.” This point of view is shared by psychologist John Gottman, who has been studying relationships between people in couples for 40 years. Imagine a situation: a wife who is fond of ornithology notices a beautiful bird with colorful plumage outside the window. She admires this little miracle, trying to see the color better and guess the breed. She invites her husband, who is next to her, to look at this bird. How will he react to this? There are many options. A man can ignore his wife’s words or nod indifferently to her in response, without looking up from watching the morning news on TV. Or, for example, he can pay attention to the object that his woman liked so much, sharing her enthusiasm. It is not difficult to guess what kind of partner’s reaction in such a situation will bring the couple closer together, and what will distance the spouses from each other.
Emily Esfahani Smith, an author of psychology books, is convinced that the influence of these (even small) reactions on relationships is truly enormous. In her conclusions, she relies on the results of John Gottman’s research. He observed couples for several years and analyzed the effect such reactions had on relationships. In those couples that divorced 6 years after marriage, partners responded to “requests for attention” in only 33% of cases. And in couples that continued to live together, this figure was 87%.
You look very much like him.
Decades of research have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that the ingrained “opposites attract” stereotype is complete nonsense. “Partners who are similar in many ways, such as personality type, are more likely to get along. This makes it easier to understand each other in their lives together,” says Gian Gonzaga, author of a study of couples who met on eHarmony.
You look into his eyes for a long time.
Joan Kellerman, a psychologist at the University of Massachusetts, had 72 undergrads who didn’t know each other pair off and stare into each other’s eyes for two minutes. “They later said that during that time they felt more attracted to the person across from them,” he says. “This suggests that prolonged eye contact can bond you with someone and spark feelings for someone you’re meeting for the first time.”
You have the “right” smell
A study by the University of Southern California found that women who are ovulating are attracted to the smell of T-shirts worn by men with high testosterone levels. This is fully explained by the instincts of procreation: such a smell attracts us because if representatives of the stronger sex produce a large amount of male hormone, this indicates good genetics.
Men also care about how their partner smells, but they prefer those scents that harmonize with the woman. The ideal is the smell of the body after a shower, and perfume should only gently complement this pleasant, clean, and natural aroma.
In some ways, you are similar to his parents.
University of St Andrews psychologist David Perrett and his colleagues have found that we are attracted to partners who have the same eye and hair colour as our parents. The age range of people we like also often has its roots in our childhood. As adults, we fall in love with people of the same age as the people around us were when we were children.
“We found that women whose parents were over 30 at the time of their birth were much less attracted to younger men than older men,” the study’s authors concluded. “Men’s preferences in the women’s age range were based on the age of their mother, but not their father – and this only mattered in long-term, serious relationships.”
You look the same or slightly less attractive than he does.
In a 1996 experiment, participants were rated on their physical attractiveness and then randomly assigned to a date. Participants were then asked how satisfied they were with how their dates had gone. People who rated themselves highly on attractiveness were harsher and more critical in their judgments (even if their date had rated them the same). The better looking their date, the less satisfied they were with how things had gone.
But this only applied to really attractive people. For most of us, it is more important that we and our partner are equally beautiful.